#I'm keeping score and im counting... 1 2 3....

[emilyjunk]

So it goes remains the most cadina song... Something something Taylor saying you did a number on me I did a number on you but baby who's counting and something something Regina saying in case you're keeping score........

[miumura]

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 — TEN THINGS I HATE ; JAY FIC

“ I’ll do better, if you stay with me like this. ”

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ where jay keeps a journal where he documents all the reasons he hates you, his rival. despite claiming he will forever hate you, keeping this journal only makes him realize his feelings for you.

PAIRING rival!jay x gn!reader

GENRE angst, fluff — WARNINGS jealousy ; overthinking !

WORD COUNT 1.7K+ (1730)

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ soph strikes again!! angst cb, did we cheer?? anyways i was in the feels okay 😢 listening to music while writing really unlocks something in ur brain im telling you…idk what really went thru my mind when making this but enjoy 😊🫶

#1 – HOW YOU’RE GOOD AT EVERYTHING.

Is it normal to have a journal dedicated to someone you hate? Whatever, I just need to get this off my chest. Whenever you’re involved, it’s like I could have nothing I want. It’s stupid, but I don’t care, it just pisses me off when you easily follow instructions, perfect things on your first try, and get all the awards I wish to have. I admit, jealousy consumes me. It's frustrating how effortlessly you seem to achieve anything you want without even trying. Seeing your achievements plastered all over the school only intensifies my anger, making me wish I could tear your posters into shreds. I've never despised second place more than now. Why can't I find contentment with my own scores or position, just like you? How can I remove you from my life and find peace within myself?

#2 – HOW CHEERFUL YOU ARE.

How is it possible for someone to remain so happy throughout the entire day? I can't help but wonder if you possess some magical influence over my friends, as they seem to shower you with compliments non-stop. It's weird to hear nothing but praise for you while I find myself complaining about various things. It's almost as if nobody comprehends why I harbor such animosity towards you, and this frustrates me immensely. Every time I express my emotions, they tell me to laugh and smile more, as if I don't already do it enough. But then, when I contemplate your cheerful and positive demeanor, it becomes clear why they encourage it. You're like the epitome of a model student everyone aspires to be, while I remain the perpetually angry and stubborn person. No wonder everyone wants to spend time with you, and perhaps that's one thing I can agree with others on.

#3 – YOU LIKE THINGS THAT I LIKE.

It's almost like a curse that we share the same interests. It's the reason I keep encountering you everywhere. Whatever I do, you seem to be there, expressing your fondness for the same things with your friends. It's frustrating, and I can't help but roll my eyes at the thought of encountering you even more. Even listening to music has become a challenge, as I know you like the same artists. I purposely skip their songs because they only remind me of you, and I hate being consumed by thoughts of you. I yearn to stop learning more about you so that I can enjoy the things I like in peace, without these constant reminders of you.

#4 – YOU MAKE ME OVERTHINK.

Maybe because of how perfect you seem to be in other’s eyes, I wonder how I look in other people’s eyes too. Am I that awful to hang out with? Am I always seen as this angry person who hates everyone? I’m not that, I know that–my friends do as well. But others? I’m not so sure about that. What confuses me even more is why you persist in wanting to spend time with me despite any perceived flaws or stubbornness on my part. You could easily choose to be with other people who might seem better to converse with. Yet, you continue to stick around, refusing to give up on our “friendship”. And because of this, I can see how others might form a negative opinion about me. My constant push to keep you away could be misunderstood, leading people to believe I'm simply a horrible person.

#5 – YOU LIKE ME.

I'm not sure if you have romantic feelings for me, but I can tell that you consider me a friend. It's interesting because I hadn't thought of you in that way before, but it doesn't seem to bother you. Today, you stood up for me, and it felt really heartening. Normally, I might have felt angry or vulnerable when someone defends me, but this time it was different. I don’t know, it just did feel really nice. Your quick response in telling those people to stop was captivating, even though I didn't express my gratitude at the moment. Lately, I've been struggling with the loud voices in my head, and sometimes I wonder if you could help quiet them too. But now, I'm not sure what I'm trying to convey. You confuse me a lot.

#6 – YOU GIVE THE WRONG PEOPLE SECOND CHANCES.

The other day, I saw you in tears because someone had broken your heart. I must admit, I was taken aback because I had never seen you sad or upset before. It was quite a contrast to the cheerful version of yourself that I'm familiar with. What happened to you that everyone sees all the time? I hope you had someone to tell you your problems too, as it’s not easy for someone who is your rival to be comforting you. I didn’t, so I hope you went home that night filled with less worries because you have someone to talk with.

What surprised me even more was that the very next day, you gave the person who hurt you a second chance. I can't help but wonder why you keep allowing people to hurt you when it's likely they'll repeat the same behavior, ultimately affecting your radiant smile. Stop going back to the people that hurt you once, it’s only going to be a cycle. I wish I could share these thoughts with you, but I hesitate because I doubt you'd take them to heart coming from someone like me. However, I can't help caring despite my own imperfections. It's puzzling to me as well, as you make me feel oddly connected to your feelings.

#7 – SEEING YOUR TEARS.

I never imagined how much I could despise seeing someone cry until the moment I witnessed your tears. Ever since that day, I always thought about it, so how could I let it slip out of my mind this time? I’m sorry for yelling at you today. I’m sorry for saying I hate you. I didn’t mean it, I was just extremely frustrated today, and not at you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know how saying this won’t do anything, but I truly mean it. I wish I could rewind time once I saw water fill up in your eyes, but what’s done is done. You made me realize something crucial—that I've always seen you as a rival, whereas you only wanted to be friends with me. I allowed my competitive nature to ruin our chances of a meaningful connection. I fear now that you might avoid me, and I understand if you do. I worry that I might continue to hurt you, just like the people you often encounter, who don't treat you with the kindness you deserve. You deserve better than that, and I'm sorry for contributing to your pain.

#8 – GIVING ME ANOTHER CHANCE.

I never imagined we'd get another chance after what happened. I tried avoiding you, genuinely attempting to keep my distance. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't resist reaching out to talk to you again. It's almost as if we both sensed the need to address the situation, leading us to have that important conversation. I still don’t know why you gave me another chance. Did I not say hurtful things to you? How easily are you able to put that behind? Your ability to forgive and move past it leaves me in awe.

It's making me reflect on my own flaws, especially how I tend to hold grudges and struggle to let go of negative feelings. I can't quite comprehend how you do it, but you make me think about you more than ever before. Every word I speak now feels like it needs to be carefully considered, thanks to your presence in my thoughts. Your gesture of offering another chance touched me deeply and brought a smile to my face. I can't help but wonder what you've done to influence me in this way. I think you really did something to me.

#9 – FEELINGS, FEELINGS, FEELINGS.

We've connected much faster than I anticipated, even surprising my friends. I'm left wondering what you've done to me. You've become an all-encompassing thought – your smile, your laughter, your sense of humor – everything about you fills my mind. At times, I ponder whether I ever cross your thoughts too. Could this be love? My friends have mentioned it, and I can't find a way to refute them. I'm fond of you, immensely so. Isn't that a crazy twist?

It's a strange journey we're on. I started this journal to document the reasons I disliked you, but look at where it's led us. Is it too soon to be feeling this way? The idea of revealing my feelings is terrifying, yet I'm unsure if I'll ever have another opportunity. Please bear with me, allow me to find the right moment. Perhaps soon, hopefully, you'll be in my arms. I realize how absurd all this sounds – what am I even saying?

#10 – HOW EASY YOU WON ME OVER.

You won. You won my heart effortlessly, but I didn't win yours in return. I'm burdened with regret for how I've treated you. My ignorance and neglect weigh heavily on me now. It's painfully clear that he's all you've ever been able to think about. Why did I delude myself into thinking I could make a difference? If only I had treated you with the kindness you deserved from the start. Could that have made you love me instead? These thoughts haunt me.

I've grown aware of my own attachment, and I'm sorry for allowing it to consume me. I apologize for the disruption I've caused in your recent weeks. I can't bring myself to be genuinely happy for you and him, though he does seem like a better man than I could ever be. It's evident that I need to move on for your sake, to make things easier for you. Yet, there's a part of me that wishes I could still claim you as mine. That longing will always remain unchanged.

I doubt you'll ever stumble upon this journal entry, not that I would ever permit anyone to. But regardless, I want you to know that I do love you. It's a truth that's etched deeply within me, even though it pains me to admit it.

💭 — fun fact this was supposed to have a happy ending until i pulled out spotify n listened to lyn lapid…yeah.

ENHA PERM TAGLIST (🎥) — @flwoie @ixomiyu @yenavrse @shinsou-rii @bearseulgs @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @starcubes @starikizs @wonioml @chirokookie @xiaoderrrr @neozon3nha @en-chantedtomeetyou @millksea @enhaz1 @eundiarys @woon2u @ja4hyvn @judeduartewannabe @j-wyoung @thia-aep @vampcharxter @softpia @officiallyjaehyuns @itsactuallylina @hsheart @sweetjaemss @ahnneyong @hanienie @jwnghyuns @kpoplover718 @jiawji @rikizm @haknom @yeokii @wvnkoi @whoschr @teddywonss @shinunoga-iie-wa @flwrshee @skzenhalove @misokei @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @miercerise @litttlestars @enhapocketz

[atarev]

oh Jesus

1. Nickname: As far as you internet folk are aware, its Atare! Cant really shorten it, and i think it being short is a good thing!

2. Zodiac: Libra! Growing up i was a libra incarnate, now not so much though, cuz i've got Boundaries (tm)

3. Height: 184cm! so i think like, 6'1?

4. Last Movie: Does musical traumas by milos tomic count? I'm studying it for uni lmao

5. Last thing i googled: directions from my place to a game store i frequent. They changed what busses run so now i either walk 40 minutes or spend more money on an uber lmao

6.: Favourite musicians: Anais Mitchell, The Oh Hellos, The Score, and the The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles composers!

7.Songs in my head: Chant from Hadestown OBCR cuz im singing as Hermes and the bass worker, and also the vocal arranger/editor/producer for the project

8. Other blogs, i dont have any as far as i know!

9. Followers: No clue! Im not concerned with the amount of my followers on Tumblr dot com, only that i know some good people here!

10. Sleep: on every day except thursdays, 8-9 hours

11. Lucky Number: I dont really have one lmao, 11 i guess? Not super sure

12. wearing: a navy polo with some black tracka dackas

13. dream job: audio producer on theatre albums! Or really any like, recognised job that lets me help budding musicians out!

14. dream trip, malaysia so i can visit my girlfriend and her friends in person finally! Alternatively if i could like, provide the trip, then id want them to come to where i am!

15. Instruments: Singing! And technically all of them because i make karaoke tracks so i have access to a lot of Virtual Instruments haha

16. languages: English and a smattering of japanese!

17. favourite song: ooooh boy, it really changes a lot of the time, to list a few favourites: Road To Hell I, Pierre, Dust and Ashes, Great Comet of 1812, Twisted, Innocent Man

18. oh whoops i missed the food one uhhh spaghetti!

19. random fact: i have a scar on my stomach! It kinda looks like a frowny face cuz of how it was stitched up

20. aesthetics: oh jeez xD

I like long black tail coats with top hats and pocket watches, or leather jackets, bracelets and necklaces, a nice overcast windy (but not rainy) day, a long day in an air-conditioned studio with keyboards galore and most importantly (if this counts) being with the love of my life in our own little apartment with a kitty cat :DD

I cant really think of people to tag so uhhh

@denim-supreme @whorphydice @keep-ur-head-low @druid-for-hire i dont know xD Have fun??? I guess???

i was tagged by @littledarlingwellaway and @coincidence-ithinknots-blog , thank you! 

Rules: Answer these 20 questions and then tag people you want to get to know better

1) Nickname: swan, ren, biohazard, woody, bread/bread thief, dad, john, cat lady (or laddie. depends on the mood my sister is in. she uses both fairly interchangeably??), sammy (i can count on one hand the number of people i let call me this. it is a privilege that is given.), “that cello over there”, “little chihuahua kid” (it’s not my fault i have so much adrenaline. my younger sister was the one that started it. apparently a lot of people think i am like a chihuahua. chihuahuas are good), “scary reptile person”, kid, nerd, gremlin, little (macaroni stealing) mouse, little russ 

2) Zodiac Sign: sagittarius! 

3) Height: i am small enough to fit inside of an upright bass <3 (but it also depends on who you ask and when. it’s weird) 

4) Last Movie I Watched: i,, do not remember the last time i watched an actual proper movie. i think it was head, with elly? 

5) Last Thing I Googled: the “well now i am not doing it” penguin meme

6) Favorite Musician: (softly) don’t 

7) Song Stuck in my Head: what’s new pussycat. (we’re almost there, lads) 

8) Other Blogs: uh,, u h. h m . on one hand i could list them out but i really do not think any of us want to be here for that– 

9) Blog Following: 722. how many of those are active? can’t remember. and a good number of them are not actually in use and i cannot explain what they are <3

10) Amount of sleep: …this is a trap and i know it 

11) Lucky Number: i don’t know that i have one ? but i’ve always been oddly fond of 19. i don’t know why. also 10 14 & 15! i like 10 14 & 15. they’re nice solid numbers and this is definitely not connected to any certain ship sailing/sinking date <3

12) What am I wearing: pink floyd hoodie, dragon t-shirt i stole from my stepdad, and the rainbow music leggings i stole from my cousin d>:D (and a hat. because my kids won’t sTOP TRYING TO LICK MY HEAD)

13) Dream Job: herpetologist. writer. literature major. musician of SOME SORT (but not,,, in a big fancy orchestra. no thank you) 

14) Dream Trip: titanic wreck site but also i want. to see. the parisian sewers. d:). 

15) Favorite Food: legally i have to say bread, 

16) Play an Instrument: unfortunately yes. i keep agreeing to help people and it’s a mess 

17) Languages: English 

18) Favorite Song: once again,, i am not legally allowed to pick favourites <3 

19) Random Fact: i am still procrastinating against my english assignment d:) d:) d:) this is fine 

20) Describe Yourself in Aesthetics Things: waistcoats, an unreasonable number of hats strewn across the room, instruments propped up against walls, books stacked up and shoved into any cranny they’ll fit in, ink spilled across a desk, the feeling of a just-shed snake’s skin, staying up late and drinking tea, knives, sweaters that are too-big over buttonups 

I’ll tag (no pressure!): @jo-mccoy  @rainbow-firecracker @phoenixharrison@peaked-in-third-grade @seadeepy and anyone else who wants to! 

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: 😭 Ali: BITCH I'M SOBBING Ali: Why are you the purest of all time? Carly: dont cry baby Carly: its not that shit like i did try Ali: It isn't shit at all Ali: it's the best Ali: when can I come get it Carly: I'll bring it youre hurt Carly: anything else you need? Ali: s'all good, Lene is bringing bandages but honestly Ali: frozen peas helped loads, not even that bad now Ali: I can hop to you 🐰 Carly: cute as youd look Carly: i wont make you k Carly: should i not come over if she is? Ali: probably not Ali: i want you to but she would be awks if not rude n i don't wanna do that to you Ali: she's just stressy rn Carly: yea hmu when she goes Carly: ill bring you good shit for the pain Ali: you're my 😇 shortcake Ali: never over how cute the gift is either Ali: hidden talents Ali: imma have to think of something good to give you now, least I'll have time if I can convince Ma that I need to rest this shit Carly: w such a talented boo i had to step it up Carly: cant lose you Carly: you dont need to do anything for me tho youre the one hurting Carly: & the cute one Ali: you won't Ali: less I make a habit of rolling down the mountains, which I ain't planning on Ali: stop at a nice grassy hill, like Ali: you can kill me with kindness tho 😊 into it Carly: yea dont k Carly: but do bring me flowers if youre in that grass for a while Carly: wanna feel the love Ali: I so will Ali: not from the garage either Ali: proper romance Carly: aw Carly: youre the best Carly: never had flowers before Ali: that's an outrage Ali: imma fix that so fast Carly: youre gonna make me sob Ali: not the goal just 'cos you got me first Carly: cuz i love you bitch Carly: it scared me when you hit the ground Ali: i love you too bitch Ali: i'm soz, swear i'm usually more capable and less dramatic Carly: my bad for having parents that make us run to the mountains Ali: it's chill Ali: adventures are the best Ali: mad we didn't find a cave to live in but there's always next time Carly: make it homey & cute aw Carly: gonna need it if your gf or fam are mad at me Ali: cavegirl chic Ali: only come down for the good times Ali: nah, my fam just laughed Ali: tah for the sympathy 🖕 twats 😂 Carly: my hair looks better uncombed like i can make that work Carly: when you gonna b party ready? Carly: my fam going away Ali: Again? Ali: I'm always ready to party Carly: i kno Carly: we have a few days to make it good Carly: ma needs to hit the salon before she can go like Ali: Naturally, gotta start your pre-tan now amirite Linda Ali: but so up for this Ali: this town needs a good party Ali: and so do we Carly: unnaturally blonde too Carly: o ma Carly: yea itll be fun Ali: we do have more fun 💅💄👗 Ali: as dubo gon' know Carly: ha Carly: me first tho Ali: obviously Ali: party planning party Carly: you bringing your gf this time? Ali: nah Ali: her idea of planning ahead is getting in double the cases, like valid but what are we wearing Carly: bored of my clothes Carly: we gotta shop Ali: 🙌 ugh Ali: marry me again Carly: k set the date Ali: obvs gotta have a 3 in it Ali: for the 🍀 Carly: & 🔮 Ali: exactly Ali: baby gets it Carly: you get me Ali: i hope so Ali: 'cos you're cool and fun and sweet Ali: i like you Carly: aw Carly: i love you 👼 Carly: cutest Ali: 🤭 Carly: gotta make you blush for each ⚘ Carly: thats my plan Ali: Can count that as 2 but Imma start making it harder from now on Carly: yea? Ali: Can't be giving 'em away Ali: plus intrigued to see what you come up with Carly: but youre so pretty when you go pink Carly: trying to change my fave colour Ali: damn, you're good 😜 Ali: what is your favourite colour Carly: 💙 Ali: Good choice Ali: the sky, the ocean, can't go wrong Carly: liked it more since i met you Carly: the eyes be like Ali: girl, you killing me Carly: sorry Ali: you ain't and i ain't Carly: facts Carly: wish you were here its boring Ali: same Ali: but Lene will be here soon, don't think I can move that fast Ali: also feel more guilty even though I ain't actually doing anything wrong Carly: i kno Carly: ill go see if ronans still in a mood Carly: if she gets too much you can say she has to come be chivalrous for me cuz hes kicking off Carly: probs will no lie Ali: don't let him be a dick Ali: more than his usual and expected, like Carly: bored of his tantrums hes like a kid Ali: yeah Ali: gotta learn he's not that much of a ride Carly: like sorry you want my wife more than me not my bad Carly: & same boy Carly: shes the ride here Ali: nah, just pissy you banged his cousin, sure Ali: you hush 😘 Carly: but i banged bartley cuz ronan didnt pay me no attention Carly: your own fault lad Ali: let him know Ali: if it weren't me it'd be some other girl, yeah? so he needs to get over it if that's how he wanna play or start apologising now, like Carly: yea Carly: ill tell him Carly: dont let your girl be a dick either tho Ali: I don't Ali: esp. not about my baby Carly: waiting for her to slide in my dms to warn me off Carly: gonna smack me w that gay scale Ali: 😂 Ali: least you can clap back like Ali: bitch i'm a 1 Carly: yea Carly: & not my bad the boo is magic Carly: cant resist Ali: exactly Ali: only human Carly: true Carly: any1 who dont like you is proper weird Ali: awh baby Ali: can i put that on my tinder Carly: gotta Carly: but you kno where to bring the dick pics Ali: DCI Carly Carly: only way im getting letters round my name Ali: I'd make you queen Ali: but lizzie ain't budging and fuck the royals yeah Carly: aw babe Carly: im blushing if you keeping score Carly: gonna be like i own this place after our party Ali: hell yeah Ali: 👑 Ali: bow down bitches Carly: gonna rule w me yea Ali: you sure you don't want prince ronan by your side? Carly: im sure Ali: then of course Ali: lemme fetch my crown Carly: id make you one but youve seen my lack of talents Carly: could maybe do ❀ Ali: ain't seen nothing but, thank you Ali: always a look Carly: you wanna see something k Carly: ill remember you said that Ali: what you planning Carly: nothing w your gf on her way Carly: but you kno Ali: shame Ali: wife ain't meant to be the fun one 😉 Carly: but when you marry me tho Carly: nother time baby Ali: i know, i wifey'd too well Ali: so 🍀 Carly: me too Ali: Oh she's here Ali: chatting up my Ma in the kitchen Carly: fun Ali: Truly Ali: She'd have booted Ronan so far down the road if he'd tried Carly: ha Carly: he doesnt do older no offense to your hot ma Ali: 😂 Ali: can't be doing much younger now, creeper Carly: thatll be why hes so moody Ali: gutted, babe Carly: but no need for you to be Carly: go get your girl Ali: heaven forfend i get up Ali: gotta play invalid Carly: aw babe Carly: take the perks & make it good tho Ali: yeah Carly: be fun Ali: always Carly: ill be here trying to make mine Ali: can take my new good luck charm as long as you keep it safe Carly: nah its yours Carly: gonna keep it safer than that for my baby Ali: 💚 Ali: just keep yourself safe then yeah Carly: aw Carly: yea k Carly: for you boo